Let’s compare some product logos, shall we?

Now	Then

Sigh. Those who forget history are doomed to repeat it.

Sometimes meetings are so boring, you forget what they were about. For instance, I have no recollection of ever writing the following, yet it appears in my notebook:

Crap! He just said ‘Man-Month.’ Eject! Eject! Eject!

I realize that Jerry is trying to make things “informal,” that he’s reïnforcing his “personal brand,” and that this is a quick one-off message to the troops (rah rah); but seriously, someone get the boy a copy of Presentation Zen stat. To wit:

• Constantly looking down to your desk to check your notes is a no–no. If you must use notes, have them written on cue cards and held next to the camera. Glancing down constantly sends two unappealing messages:
  • I am ashamed; and
  • I am lying.
  You don’t want to send either. A steely-eyed focus on the viewer sends a much more positive message.
• Kill the “ems” and “ahs.” We know you are a big fan of Steve Jobs, so take a lesson from his presentation style: rehearse, rehearse, then rehearse some more. The more familiar you are with the material you are presenting, the more confident you will be during the actual presentation.
• Hire an editor. These video updates are supposed to be informal, but re-filming segments that appear ill-paced would go a lot towards improving the confidence the troops have in your plan and your ability to execute it.

In short, my advice is: do it right or don’t bother doing it at all.

Hi, I’m Web Developer Barbie. Pull my string and I say, “Standards are tough! Let’s go shopping!”

— “Translation From MS-Speak to English of Selected Portions of Joel Spolsky’s ‘Martian Headsets’”

Silicon Alley Insider is beating the old “Flash on the iPhone” drum again, and I’ve had a couple of private communications about the same. The claim is that Apple is missing out by not supporting (or even allowing) Flash.

Apple users may be missing out on a large chunk of the web, but is it an important chunk? Hardly.

Dan Frommer says, “Web sites aren’t being built with just HTML, CSS, Javascript, and H.264.”

Where has he been, stuck in the ’90s? Outside of YouTube (which is migrating to H.264), there’s nary a drop of Flash on Google or any of the major Web 2.0 properties out there. AJAX rules the roost. Actually, I can’t speak for Facebook; I don’t use it. Yahoo! has a smattering of Flash, but the Y!UI libraries show how a compelling DHTML (HTML, Javascript, and CSS) experience can be made. DHTML is more than adequate for the task; if your designer can’t get the job done without falling back on Flash, get a new designer.

Try surfing with the Flash plug-in disabled; you’ll find the experience much smoother than you would be led to believe by the Adobe marketing department. Flash was created to get around inconsistencies in browsers: fallout from the browser wars of the ’90s. Since Microsoft has recently back-tracked on their attempt to freeze standards at the (broken) IE7 level, expect far more progress in the consistency area.

Flash is good for only two things: games and ads (maybe video, but H.264 is much more efficient and video sharing sites need to squeeze out every drop of bandwidth). Apple is interested in neither for the iPhone, or even the desktop. As far as corporate navigation goes, any company that uses Flash for navigation beyond a worthless splash screen is more than likely only supporting Internet Explorer, so there’s no loss for Apple there.

Flash/AIR and Silverlight are both battling for control of the Rich Experience Web, and as the number of non-Flash, non-Silverlight web sites have shown, the Rich Experience Web does not need either one. Jobs is unlikely to cede control of his user experience to Adobe (which can barely get Flash to run on a full-fledged Macintosh) or to Microsoft (for obvious reasons).

In many ways, Apple is doing a stealth grab for the Rich Experience Web with WebKit: by providing a portable reference platform for HTML+AJAX+CSS+SVG, it can influence W3C standards in ways that benefit its needs. Even Adobe is controlled by Apple in that regard: Adobe uses WebKit as the rendering agent for AIR.

Do you really think a megalomaniac like Steve Jobs is going to leave the implementation of the user experience to another company, especially Microsoft? Do you?

Yeah, neither did I.

---

Hm, “HTML+AJAX+CSS+SVG.” “HACS.” I like that acronym. Web 2.1, anybody?

A funny thing happened at work today. Funny as in “troubling.”

I work at Yahoo! (exclamation point mandatory, sorry), and unless you’ve been under a rock for the last two months, you are aware that Yahoo! is fending off the unwilling advances of Microsoft.

Well, this appeared on the internal boards this week:

There are photos of someone on the walls of Bld A 1st and 2nd floors
(break-room, stairs etc). Why and who is this?

The response was:

I heard he is a new employee that has been planted into Y! by Microsoft.
Watch out what you say around him.

This exchange immediately brought to mind the final exchange from that story by Rod Serling:

“Understand the procedure now? Just stop a few of their machines, their telephones, their lawnmowers, throw them into darkness for a few hours, and then sit back and watch the pattern.”

“This pattern is always the same?”

“With few variations. They pick the most dangerous enemy they can find.... and it’s themselves. All we need do is sit back and watch.”

Indeed. In the immortal words of Walt Kelly, “We have met the enemy, and it is us.”

From ABC News:

The Worst Incident of School Violence

Columbine? Virginia Tech? It was actually a 1958 fire that burned down Our Lady of Angels, a Catholic school in Chicago, and killed 92 students. One or possibly two fourth graders set the fire. The nuns told the students to pray rather than escape.

In summary:

#!/usr/bin/perl -l
@m = qw(mi cro soft);
@y = qw(ya hoo);

while (@m && @y) {
  $s = shift @{rand > .5 ? \@m : \@y};
  push @r, $s if !@r || rand > .5
}

$" = "";
print "\u@r!"';

Was not fired.

Which is amazing, considering that:

1. Through no fault of my own, I have done absolutely nothing for the last three months as projects have been cancelled, delayed, or reassigned; and
2. I have begun a not-so-covert “whispering campaign” against any and all people I report to, directly or indirectly.

I blame this on the popularity of House. People have lately decided to equate ‘asshole’ with ‘genius.’ I for one would normally welcome this attitude, but not when I’m desperate to move on.

Not fired yet (but considering leaving on my own).

Not fired yet.

Not fired yet.

Just got an e-mail from the CEO: not for me personally, it was a broadcast bulletin. Nothing special, just a bunch of bland corporate-speak.

What annoyed me was the lack of capital letters. It was all lower-case, like a whiny posting to some prepubescent emochild's all-black LiveJournal page.

Is the stress of running a multinational corporation so taxing that you cannot hit the shift key?

Followup: Apparently, others are bothered by this as well.

Earlier today:

Police are now saying they suspect suicide in Heath Ledger's death today at a Manhattan apartment owned, says the Times, by actress Mary-Kate Olsen...

Now, the official line is:

Paul J. Browne, the Police Department’s deputy commissioner for public information, initially said that the apartment was owned by the actress Mary-Kate Olsen, but later reversed himself and said that was not the case.

A representative of Ms. Olsen said that the apartment did not belong to the actress. “It is not her apartment,” the representative, Annette Wolf, a publicist for Ms. Olsen, said in a phone interview. “She does not own the apartment. She has never owned the apartment. She and her sister have an apartment in New York City but they are not in this building.”

You don’t have to be hit on the head with a golden apple to see a conspiracy. Somehow, someway, the Olsen twins are involved in this. Maybe they knocked him off because they don’t like gay cowboys; maybe they were jealous that he was offered the role of the Joker while the role of the DeeDee went to Melissa Joan Hart.

In any case, it just reeks of their Full House-inspired evil.

Ted killed it. He attended the Crunchies, and like Tom Lehrer after seeing Henry Kissinger get the Nobel Peace Prize, felt no satire could top real life.

Not fired yet.

(Watch this space for bulletins)

#spinnwebe Goes to MacWorld ’08

Robot roll call:

Kyol

hah

wabewalkr

Hi

wabewalkr

Was thinking noone would show.

Kyol

why YES it's a STEVENOTE

bob

hey wabe, good to see ya

wabewalkr

You people had me worried.

bob

actually it's really rude of steve to have the keynote today. the magazine's getting boned by deadlines and i've got a meeting at 1 central.

bob

probably a short status meeting kinda deal but puhLEEZ it's my christmas

On the physiological effects of the keynote:

wabewalkr

Boners for all.

*** bob has changed the topic on channel #spinnwebe to <wabewalkr> Boners for all.

On Time Capsule:

Kyol

Saweet. Time capsule

wabewalkr

Wait -- wireless backups?

Kyol

FINALLY

wabewalkr

Wasn't that supposed to be part of Time Machine? Wireless backups to Airport Express + USB HD?

bob

oh good! a terabyte of data at 802.11g speeds!

On iPhone speculation:

bob

wonder how many of those iphones went straight to ebay

bob

and are still there

wabewalkr

Heh. $1200 for a $300 phone. It's a deal!

On Web2.0’s insidious infiltration of keynote coverage:

bob

looks like the ilounge 30-second autorefresh starts over every time i leave and then return to the page

wabewalkr

They're triggering a refresh on blur. How Web2.0-ish.

bob

what's blur, besides how fast my right hand is moving at the moment?

wabewalkr

window loses focus

wabewalkr

sorry, had to do some web 2.0 crap and it's rotting in the back of my brain.

bob

heheh, right this very minute i'm editing our march cover article, about how realtors can leverage web 2.0

wabewalkr

"Leave it out, and your users will love you."

bob

yeah, one of the sentences in the intro:

bob

"The tech world has dubbed tools like blogs and social network sites like Facebook as Web 2.0, enabling Web users to connect with one another rather than view content passively."

bob

so we can expect technical accuracy of oh, say, just about 0

wabewalkr

I stopped reading when I hit "Facebook," sorry.

bob

no, you did the right thing

On the cost of upgrading:

wabewalkr

Free update to phone.

wabewalkr

And coincidentally, free bricking to those foolish enough to unlock.

bob

wow, $20 for that upgrade

wabewalkr

Whu?

wabewalkr

Maps?

wabewalkr

Maps on a device that really shouldn't leave your house except to go to Starbucks?

wabewalkr

Unless Apple's launching a WiFi satellete...

wabewalkr

<sarcasm>Yeah, that's so worth $20</sarcasm>

On iTMS movie rentals:

wabewalkr

Rentals!

Kyol

yeah sure whatevers

bob

no fapping there for me either

wabewalkr

Don't want movie rentals?

bob

i don't even have a video store account, let alone netflix

wabewalkr

Well, not if they're 24-hour limited.

wabewalkr

What are the damn terms? If I have to give up my left nut to see "Spiderman 3" I might not be interested.

Kyol

I already have movie rentals, except they're free and permanent and DRM free, it's called UUCP.

wabewalkr

UUCP?

wabewalkr

Over FidoNet?

Kyol

er NNTP

On techno-Ludditism:

wabewalkr

And I thought bob was the Luddite.

Kyol

I'm still working at a dialup ISP, I think I carry the techno-Luddite crown.

On the immortal question:

wabewalkr

iPod Touch or iPhone?

bob

touch, i have a sidekick for a smartphone

bob

the touch will be my tablet for catching up on porn

On terms of service and thinking about baseball:

wabewalkr

Fuck you, Steve. 48 hours, yes; 24, no.

wabewalkr

I like to watch my movies over multiple days.

Kyol

More than 15 minutes at a shot and I'm spent

wabewalkr

Try ginseng for that, Kyol.

On bandwidth:

bob

i hope all this rental movie traffic doesn't slow down my torrents

On bandwidth, redux:

Kyol

apple tv mk deuce

bob

done a little closer to right, anyway

wabewalkr

Death of the mini, more like.

bob

there ya go, kyol, HD rentals add a buck

wabewalkr

Heh, HD rentals over dialup.

On social networks and closet cases:

bob

OMG spyware!

bob

"Can preview movies from the interface, and see what other users who have rented that movie have rented"

wabewalkr

Damnit, Steve, don't get on the Web2.0 bandwagon!

Kyol

"get on"?

wabewalkr

If you offer a Facebook plugin, I'm coming over to Moscone with a bat.

Kyol

have you SEEN itunes?

wabewalkr

Sigh, yes.

wabewalkr

I've also used Amazon's recommendation service.

wabewalkr

National Coming Out day has passed, otherwise I would be ready to admit I'm in the social networking closet.

On wealth through negligence, or making money the AOL way:

bob

they oughtta let me rent songs for a quarter

wabewalkr

For 24 hours?

bob

yeah, why not

bob

they've got the infrastructure, it's a coupla hours of coding for an intern

bob

call it "apple party" or something, if you don't own some music and want to play it, put it in a playlist, we'll charge you a quarter each

wabewalkr

Ah, smart.

wabewalkr

People will forget it's rented, end up with a $2500 bill at the end of the month.

On the inevitable approach of the alien CEO:

bob

sigh, now the third-party ceos parade out to see how jobs' cock tastes

bob

BATHROOM BREAK

On privateering:

bob

only pirates want to own optical media readers

wabewalkr

I thought they want to own optical media writers?

On website stability, and more baseball thoughts:

wabewalkr

Engadget can't stop using the word "excited."

bob

oh yeah baby

wabewalkr

They got too excited... "Please refresh this page in a few minutes."

On the MacBook Air:

wabewalkr

OK, and so...

wabewalkr

Same screen dimensions as the regular MacBook...

Kyol

Yeah, it's an aluminum macbook, just real thin.

Kyol

whoop-tee-doo

bob

not a touchscreen, just a big touchpad

wabewalkr

"How did we fit it all in there? Answer: we didn't. It's really a dumb terminal that connects to your Mac at home. So you have to buy two!"

bob

"Your choice of green or amber!"

Kyol

Huh, it's actually not horribly specced, either.

Kyol

"Because this fucker is going to break. A lot.

wabewalkr

Fits in an envelope, for easy shipping!

wabewalkr

"Do not fold, spindle or mutilate."

bob

it won't be safe to just carry a manila envelope on the street anymore

wabewalkr

On the other hand, the MacBook Air doubles as a large shuriken. Hack up bad guys with ease and style.

bob

and a ramp so you can do stunts with your sweet hot wheels collection!

On the loss of legacy copper:

wabewalkr

No FireWire. Dealbreaker.

bob

apple's trying to kill firewire i think

wabewalkr

Yeah, I suspect so.

Kyol

I wonder if they've figure out how to do the whole mac transfer thing over usb somehow.

bob

which sucks what with it being fast and reliable unlike usb

Kyol

That shit is THE number onf reason I'll slobber apple knob as long as I live.

wabewalkr

Actually, I think they'll kill USB next.

wabewalkr

Steve spurts for wireless.

wabewalkr

There's your answer, Kyol: MBA uses WiFi for transfer.

wabewalkr

No Firewire, no USB.

bob

yeah it has usb

wabewalkr

No, I meant no USB transfer.

bob

sure! copy stuff from one mac onto your usb drive, then bring it over to the air

wabewalkr

Sneakernet 2.0

On Remote Disk:

bob

ooooh, you can see what CDs and DVDs people have mounted around you

Kyol

porn porn porn porn office 2007 porn

On beautiful things that you heathens refuse to buy:

wabewalkr

I'm calling "Cube" right now. Who's with me?

wabewalkr

Beautiful, droolworthy, but ultimately a sales flop.

bob

maybe

Kyol

eh, the laptop market is actually viable, though.

bob

maybe they learned from their mistakes and next macbook air is good, though

wabewalkr

Can't see it... what does it bring to the table that the current MB and MBP don't?

Kyol

x-treme portability for the mini PC crowd.

Kyol

only $1800!

Kyol

versus the $350 eee hrm

wabewalkr

Still, it doesn't "fit" into the lineup, unless they're going to introduce the iMac Air as "one more thing."

On greener Apples:

Kyol

Oh it's a GREEN laptop I see

bob

Environmental highlights: fully aluminum case (good for recycling), first fully mercury and lead free display, circuit boards are BFR free, retail packaging are 56% less volume than MacBook.

wabewalkr

That's because it's shipped in a manila envelope.

wabewalkr

And Gladys from accounting hand-writes the address label, because she took caligraphy at night school.

wabewalkr

"Next, the gMac, as in 'green.' The case is 100% cornstarch."

The final analysis:

Kyol

they're doing highlights of 2008 SO FAR I dunno steve

bob

is it time for... one more thing?

wabewalkr

Yep, boners on standby.

bob

shit, i got excited for a second when i saw "steve jobs retaking stage" on macrumorslive, then it turned out the refresh munged the scroll

bob

nope, not if the music's starting

Kyol

RANDY NEWMAN

Kyol

short people.. doot dootle dee doot

bob

maybe they'll announce manila envelope 2.0 that randy newman can fit into

wabewalkr

Thin people... got no one to love.

wabewalkr

I give this keynote a 4. Nice beat, but you couldn't dance to it.

bob

heh, ilounge: "10:36 Continued political/economic diatribe, how media is focusing on the companies but not the poeple who are being hurt."

bob

ars technica isn't where i expect to see "rofl"

wabewalkr

They just reported on "Tight ass"

wabewalkr

Oh well, might as well ooze off to work.

My friend Brandon had to debug some code, and it contained some horrible atrocities. He eventually tracked the source of the stupidity to the manual page for the PHP function abs.

Do we need to have some mandatory licensing in place before one is allowed to code? It seems that stupidity isn't limited to commenters on PHP manual pages: Pownce is full of it.

Judge dismisses “potty-mouth” case

Attention People of the Internet: if I ever make pathetic statements like those uttered by the moguls in this article, you have my pre-authorization to whop me on the back of my head, preferably with a baseball bat:

They're Single, Ambitious, Worth Millions, But Can New York Women Download Their Megabyte Egos?