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I’m a Mac, and You’re Not Funny

OK, so the Crispin Porter + Bogusky bomb has been dropped, and we’ve all been exposed to the acting brilliance of Bill Gates enhanced by 300 million dollars. Aside from the obligatory censure from the MacMacs and the laudations from their Windows counterparts, the outright hostility shown to this ad caught me completely by surprise.

The excuses from the Microsoft exponents range from “It’s part of a larger campaign which will make sense once in context” to “It’s Seinfeld! It’s not supposed to be about anything!” Neither of these sound right to me, and the criticism piled on the apologists confirms that the majority of the technorati share my opinion.

I hate to sound immodest (wait, no I don’t) but I know exactly why Microsoft’s commercial failed with the general populace while Apple’s became a part of the cultural landscape almost immediately. All you need to do is listen to the first spoken lines of each:

Justin Long: I’m a Mac.
John Hodgman: And I’m a PC.

Compare that to:

Jerry Seinfeld: Discount shoes, why pay more? Bill Gates!

Did you catch that? It is very subtle, but as with most subtle things, it has a devastating effect on what follows.

In short, Apple is trying to sell a product; Microsoft is trying to sell a person. Apple identifies up front that you are supposed to be thinking about a Macintosh; Microsoft is less than clear what their intent is. That’s a dangerous approach to take, because it is very easy to alienate your target audience. I cannot put it more succinctly than Dave Barry:

Another type of advertising that people detest is the Mystery Commercial, in which there is no earthly way to tell what product is being advertised. These commercials usually consist of many apparently random images flashing rapidly past on the screen, and then, at the end, you see a Nike swoosh, or the IBM logo, or Mr. Whipple.

Nobody likes to be tricked, and the Microsoft commercial does just that. Granted, by context most people would know it is a commercial, but it reeks of forced viral marketing which never works. Sure, there’s an initial flurry of discussion and ineffectual essays (like this one) but the dialogue quickly dies. You cannot make something memetic by fiat, something which Microsoft has tried again and again. Remember “People-Ready”?

The only thing I can hope is that this inevitable marketing failure puts a stake through the heart of the Cluetrain crowd. There is only one true way to tell your customers that you respect them: not through blogs, nor cute videos, nor online web hunts, but through useful quality products. No amount of marketing in the world can hide shoddy craftsmanship forever. And P. T. Barnum agrees with me.

I’ll end this with my favorite rant from Steve Jobs:

But after [achieving a monopoly], the product people aren’t the ones that drive the company forward anymore. It’s the marketing guys or the ones who expand the business into Latin America or whatever. Because what’s the point of focusing on making the product even better when the only company you can take business from is yourself?

So a different group of people start to move up. And who usually ends up running the show? The sales guy. John Akers at IBM is the consummate example. Then one day, the monopoly expires for whatever reason. But by then the best product people have left, or they’re no longer listened to. And so the company goes through this tumultuous time, and it either survives or it doesn’t.

Look at Microsoft — who’s running Microsoft? Right, the sales guy. Case closed.

(For the record: I hate the “I’m a Mac” commercials; but I realize that I’m not the target audience. Apple has already sold me and my ilk a product; they no longer have to please us.)

P.S.: There’s another problem with trying to equate Microsoft with Bill Gates. Bill Gates has decided to devote the remainder of his life to philanthropy. Do you really want to symbolically represent your company with someone who no longer wants to work there?